The Fairer Sex with Panache

We are players of a great race. We race against time. Twenty-four hours of a day pass in a jiffy and we are hardly left with any time for ourselves. Television which was an indispensable and much looked forward component of entertainment after going home is now a part of our smartphones. With the advent of web-series, viewers are promised quality content with limited episodes and hence pure entertainment. Web-series gain popularity over word of mouth. I watched one such highly recommended series called ‘The Test Case’. A woman bravely battles the mentality of Indian society by being part of the Special Forces of the Indian Army. A job dominated by males, she breaks the stereotypes by literally standing shoulder to shoulder with her male colleagues. Of course, she has to face certain obstacles to prove her ability by fighting for herself, refusing to accept any help or support from men. She emerges victorious and holds her head high in pride. I was thoroughly impressed with the concept, dialogues and performances of the actors. It made me wonder how women still have to break so many stereotypes which exist in different facets of society. We have a long way to go before we actually have a more open-minded, egalitarian society.

Women are always under scrutiny or critical eyes, be it in their professional or personal lives. It begins with something as simple as the attire they wear. Anything above knee length can attract unwanted attention. It is not only men who judge women for their attire; women too are eager commentators and judges. There is this invisible boundary laid down by the society, which determines a woman’s character from her choice of clothes. It is this straitjacketed nature of human beings which measures a woman’s dignity on the basis of the length of her dress, rather than peeping into the wonderful soul that she might be. Many times in local trains or at public places some men take the liberty of staring constantly at girls. How that girl or woman is dressed is immaterial. The fact that she is a female is enough to look at her. If such men take part in the game which involves staring at someone without blinking, they would surely win it!

In professional world, women are at par with men. Women are good decision makers and managers. Keeping everything organized and up-to-date is a woman’s forte. Their insistence for perfection can sometimes make them tough beings to work with and at the same time challenging living up to their expectations. Women are human beings too, and therefore lack of empathy and stubbornness does not escape them as well. Today women are ambitious and they want their word to be ultimate in the work that they do. For people who think that women are overly emotional, they are not aware that pragmatism has already reached the fairer sex. Though many companies today boast of gender equality, it is a bitter reality that even in developed countries like Germany, women face inequality in pay. Even the choice of education is gender-specific. Some careers are meant exclusively for men, while some exclusively for women. Any ‘diversion’ in this ‘established model of thoughts’ and eyebrows are raised and perceptions about sexuality are formed. I remember a story by Sudha Murty wherein she recounted her years of engineering as the only female student in the class. Times have changed today, but faint boundaries between the genders do exist.

Another huge misconception existing in the Indian minds is that a woman is complete when she bears a child. Today women are drivers of their own fate and they do not need someone special to complete them. Marriage is not binding on women; hence it is not a priority in their checklist of long term goals. They get married when they are ready and not when the society expects them to be. Age is just a number for them. They can find a perfect man even at the age of 40 or 50! Staying single and living life on their own terms can sound as exciting as spending the lifetime with a partner. I came across some articles which stated that several women nowadays postpone pregnancies in order to fulfill their career goals first. Science and technology are developed to benefit the humankind and therefore, a late pregnancy is not an impossible thing today. Women do not get into the ties of marriage only because their biological clock is ticking. Educated women these days put a careful thought before choosing their partner. It is not simply a decision taken out of coercion or emotions. Motherhood is surely a pristine feeling, but that experience not all women may want to have. Even the society should not judge such women or couples for such a ‘bold move’ as many would think!

Women are all pervasive and foundation of every society. Marketing and advertising world has banked upon this very fact to promote their products better. Almost every advertisement that we see revolves around women. They are managers at home as well after all. Beauty is synonymous with women and hence there is panoply of beauty products which ‘persevere’ to enhance a woman’s personality. The definition of beauty is sadly limited to only fair and flawless skin, indicative of a woman’s success. If fair skin were the secret of success and beauty, then all white skinned women would be the happiest on Earth! Women are also victims of body shaming, where only being in good shape matters in order to be noticed by people. This myopic view of beauty needs to be modified. A cheerful and happy face with poise would make every woman look beautiful. The most amusing advertisements are that of sanitary pads which overflow with unrealistic optimism and temerity. Women definitely do not prefer white clothes when their red flower is blooming! The advertisements put up a very utopian life of women. In reality, a woman’s life is all about balancing her home and work, being successful in both these lives while wading through the crowded local trains every day to work. Her dreams and sense of responsibility keep her going, irrespective of her monthly menstrual cramps or with the new life growing inside her.

Women are indeed a unique creation of God. They are too strong to demand leave from work when they are menstruating. When people call women the weaker sex, I wonder how they make such reckless statements. Women are physically stronger than men for they give birth to a new life. Therefore, it is often said that childbirth is a woman’s second birth, in danger of maternal mortality that may occur. The core of a woman is not flawless beauty and perfect physique. Her true beauty is reflected through her flaws and imperfections. And when people learn to accept women, stand by them in all their difficulties, say by being supportive even when they are PMSing, encouraging them to look after their health, giving them freedom to make their own choices and most importantly imparting in them a sense of confidence and independence, we can call every woman to be elegant. Feminism would then soon make way to welcome egalitarianism as a symbol of a modern and developed society.

The Leap from L to M

When I log into my Facebook account these days, it is always flooded with wedding pictures. Either the bride or the groom posts them or the friends who attend the wedding do the honours, with hefty captions and best wishes. Pictures in various poses, elegant attires and gleaming decorations make every wedding look like a big fat Indian wedding. There is a pictorial coverage of all the special moments that lead to marriage: Be it engagement, parties, pre-wedding and candid pictures. Although sometimes orchestrated and clichéd, they look appealing to the eyes. It is a one-time celebration (hopefully!) which a person desires in his or her life; to welcome the new addition, the new phase of life with great pomp. When I look at the smiling pictures of the couples, I wonder how their journey together actually begins with love and then materializes into marriage. It is this leap from Love to Marriage which amazes me.

I have listened to a number of real life romantic stories. As a writer and reader, they exactly seem like the ones I read in novels or like ideas that I can include in my romantic stories. And the couples are perfect raconteurs when they describe how they first met or their funny and quarrelsome moments. They are so immersed in love that they talk at great lengths about each other as if their partner is a subject of their specialization! Having ‘someone special’ in life is indeed like having a passion you never get bored about. You learn all the depths of that person, the grey sides and still take the (risk?) to accept the person way he or she is. I think it is like having a job you are passionate about, which you enjoy no matter how many challenges come in the way. Sometimes it is also about sacrifices.

What I just mentioned above is also true when we choose our friends. There is compatibility among friends as well. That is why precisely we are friends with someone. I have read somewhere that your partner should be your best friend, a confidant. How does it happen that you choose one particular person to be your ‘One’? It is similar to being fond of a number of things but there is one special thing that captures your heart the most. It is this one person you choose to spend the rest of the life with. Whether the decision of marriage is rushed into out of love or infatuation differs.  The emotions differ. Some couples give each other enough time; spend enough time together to understand each other before exchanging the vows. I believe that is the best way to think over if someone is really worth your time and affection in future. Love is not completely blind these days; financial stability, thought processes and family background as well are taken into consideration. People should look at the practical aspect of love, rather than getting bogged down by emotions. Marriage is like a long time investment around which your future plans about job, money, family and mental stability revolve.

Recently I had been to a Marathi play which focused around a couple who frequently has difference of opinions and therefore arguments, although theirs is a love marriage. I do not imply that a marriage without arguments is necessarily a happy one. Life transforms greatly after marriage. There was a thought-provoking dialogue in the play: “When we used to date, we always looked forward to see each other. We used to meet, talk and then return to our homes, longing for the next day to meet. It is only after marriage that we started staying together and the problems in our life arose.” You cannot really understand a person unless you live with him or her. It is similar to spending some time in a foreign country to understand its language, culture, manners and etiquettes. When you meet someone for a couple of hours he or she shows or puts on the best of behaviours.  After marriage when two people live under the same roof, they are aghast to find out each other’s some of unpleasant or unacceptable habits and traits. Then arguments and pointing at each other’s mistakes begin. But having said that, it is also true that no one is perfect and when in love, you tend to accept the person with his or her imperfections. I had watched a film called ‘Beauty & the Briefcase’ wherein Hilary Duff sets out to find her ‘magic man’ with a lengthy list of attributes. In the end, she finds her magic man in a person who does not have any of the attributes listed by her. He is in fact her real love, albeit with imperfections.

Instead of hastily rushing into marriage, it is very much necessary that two people understand each other thoroughly. In India, live-ins are frowned upon and a legal marriage with all the rituals and blessings is ultimately the approval to stay together.  Again, if the differences grow eventually leading into a divorce, the society is eager to label someone as ‘divorced’ like a lifelong blemish. And if a woman is divorced, the society is all set to form all kinds of opinions about her. When I read or learn about western cultures, I find a huge gap in the perception about love and marriage. Of course, relationships having deepest of deep love also end up in divorce.  A divorce or a separation need not happen bitterly. It could just be a way of giving some space to someone and letting someone to live life on his or her own terms. The couple continues to see each other as friends and still may share their intimate feelings. The necessity or absence of marriage has no impact on their relationship.

When people celebrate bachelor or spinster parties, we often hear the people around say, “Enjoy the last day of your independence”. Why is it so that marriage is often viewed as shackles and a full stop to freedom? When we accept someone along with imperfections, it is not difficult to let the person be the way he or she is. Marriage should not be a hurdle while pursuing the dreams and goals that you have carried all along. Marriage brings shared responsibilities and it is through this sharing that one supports the other. We surely make sacrifices for each other, but then it should not be only one person who is always taking a step down.  Marriage unites two people to be one. But in this tryst of oneness, you should not forget the unique individual that you are. Reaching a consensus with your partner is good, but standing firmly by your principles, ideas and beliefs is equally important.

Marriage is not only about going together everywhere as a couple, but it is also taking some time off from each other to go out on exciting outings with friends or working on something really interesting. If your partner is supportive enough, surely it is understood how important ‘me-time’ is. Therefore, I truly agree with the belief that marriage is a life-changing decision, where your partner plays a role in making your life better than it is or so you hope! Love conquers all they say. When you say ‘I do’ at your wedding or go through all the wedding rituals, it is an eternal promise that you make to someone to stand by all the highs and lows of your relationship. It is a promise to be together as one team. ‘Love’ and ‘Marriage’ may not always be synonymous at beginning, but they are binding factors to be with your ‘Perfect One’ and call yourselves the ‘Lucky One’!

The Power of Grapevine

Being an ardent fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I have watched the episode ‘The One with the Resolutions’ umpteen number of times. It is typical Rachel ‘to find out things and pass the information on’. The entire episode ahead is full of laughter and a big revelation, which changes the course of plot ahead.

We all have a Rachel in us, who loves to gossip. In fact, we are surrounded by gossips, like the breeze. It is human nature to talk about others. We either love to hear gossips or we share our ‘own versions of truth’ with friends or colleagues. I often see two friends starting the conversation with, “OK, now tell me all the interesting news that you have got!” Gossips are like brittle objects, they are entrusted with true confidants. Every topic of gossip starts with, “Don’t tell anyone, but I think…” That ‘Don’t tell anyone’ point of the confidentiality pact is immediately broken because soon the words spread out like wild fire. Rather in that excitement to listen to the sensational news, ‘don’t tell anyone’ is easily overheard.

There are some people who are known as sources of information. They have ears and spies all around. These ‘news sources’ consolidate the information that their five senses collect. But once the news breaks out to a large number of people, this source is lost in the crowd, who wisely wears an invisibility cloak. One has to win trust of these insiders, so that one is updated with all the latest happenings. These news agents portend future as well. Hence when all people around are flabbergasted when something actually happens, these sources sit back and smile proudly with ‘I knew it already’ attitude. The look on a person’s face while sharing interesting information about someone is that of curiosity and later of relief, when the information is unloaded off his or her back. It often happens with me that I know already something discreet and the other person supplies me with the same information. I am dumbfounded because until the ‘moment of my disappointment’ I am a privileged holder of that information.

What I find amazing in a grapevine communication is that it changes its colour in every transmission, like a chameleon. Hence, if a piece of information is passed from person A to person Z, we have 27 versions of the same incident; one being the actual truth and the other 26 are versions or interpretations of 26 different people. If the so-called secret news is about someone we don’t like, then we add our own ingredients to make the story spicier. There’s a script writer hidden in all of us, or should I call it our power of immense imagination?

Grapevine changes form and soon it becomes a story of fiction. In our eagerness to stumble upon something new, we often forget the impact it could have on someone’s standing among people. It can sometimes take an ugly turn and tarnish a person’s reputation. The modified versions of truth can influence our opinions or perceptions about someone. The views expressed in rumours or gossips are that of the person narrating them; but those views end up being our own opinions. It all melts down ultimately to our interpretation of things. Wrong interpretation simply adds oil to the fire. Sometimes we have got nothing to do with that information or that person, yet we form our opinions, we behave with that third person in a different manner. Sometimes pre-conceived notions help, sometimes they don’t. Be it in organizations or our personal lives, there is never a dearth of gossips and rumours. The decision whether to believe them or not is totally at our discretion. 

Information reaches to us in any form- be it social media or a casual chat with someone. It is inevitable that we are often witnesses (or victims?) of ‘sensational’ information. While seeing, listening and speaking are our involuntary functions, these functions have the power to shape our behaviours and personality. For some people, indulging in gossips is a pastime. It is a way to vent out some feelings towards others. I know it is totally utopic, but conversations without a tinge of gossip could also be entertaining. It is good to laugh at ourselves than at others. We can make our lives so interesting and full of passion that there should be no void to be filled by rumours and gossips, or we can choose to simply overhear what is not important to us. The train of our life should be fast paced and productive, so that these least important pieces of information can be like those fast changing views from a train, which go unnoticed. Rather than starting a conversation with, “A little bird told me…” it would be much more cordial to start with something like, “So tell me about the best part of your day!” I am sure that the sincere words coming from the heart can sound sweeter than the chirping of the ‘birds’.

A 360 Degree View of 365 Days

Every New Year that begins has innumerable experiences and memories in store for each one of us. It unfolds yet another chapter in our lives. It is not just a year that we live and survive; it is a phase which makes us better persons than what we were in the year before. When I look back at 2017, I think this year to be the year of accomplishments and bittersweet experiences.

I would call 2017 as a year when I absorbed many things. It was a year of new beginnings and revival of something close to my heart. On a professional front, it was about taking up new responsibilities. Change can be difficult and bumpy at first; but it was something I had to accept, to experiment. In this new ‘change’ I came across certain idiosyncrasies of people. I started believing that some people could really be experts in giving you a tough time. They are devoid of empathy and insist on getting their interests served first. Well, if that is what having a professional face means, then I was quite baffled to know how people show little consideration for others’ limitations. But I believe that only in times of adversities you can really improve yourself or look for alternatives which can make your life better. Through these times, I learned one of the significant things that was absent in me since long: Assertiveness. To say No is equally important. You cannot please everyone at the same time. I learned to be acerbic where polite words did not succeed. You learn from your mistakes and they help you to excel. In a way, I should thank these difficult people who helped me instill these necessary qualities in myself. Difficult people teach you to battle tough situations, whereas the positive people around you encourage and motivate you to do better. I was fortunate to have met some people who exuded sanguinity.

Having completed a year in my job and having a bag full of lessons in it, I decided to give my passion of learning German a thrust by letting it add colour to my life. What is life without passions after all! It was a wonderful feeling to be a student again, to sit in a classroom as the teachers shared their expertise in the language which I have been loving since 6 years now. The successful completion of two levels and beginning of the final level has been my biggest achievement and fulfilment of a crucial goal for 2017. It was like a dream coming true after a wait of almost 3 years. The language gets elegant and intense every time I am in its company. German, which for others is a ‘foreign language’, no more seems foreign to me. I feel close to its beauty, the same closeness that I feel towards Marathi, Hindi and English. It has become a part of me. It is the sugar which adds sweetness in my life. My aspiration to pursue German and the journey covered so far, reminds of Paulo Coelho's line in his book 'The Alchemist': “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 

The world which seemed diverse to me only in form of novels that I read, seemed real and fascinating when I went on my first international trip this year. Not only the time spent in Malaysia and Singapore but also the entire process making it possible to reach there- let it be booking the tour, going through immigration process at airports, looking around the airports- everything was exciting. It was a memorable trip with lot of takeaways, awe and inspiration. I had a historic flavour of appreciation when I visited Jadhavgadh, a heritage fort of the Marathas. The grandeur of the fort and the history which adorns it was worth paying obeisance to the bravery of our forefathers. They had the vision and strategies which were exemplars of human intelligence. Adventure means experiencing a thrill and doing something that looks perilous. My visit to Imagica was one such day when I enjoyed getting topsy-turvy views from the rides that we went in. Truly a wonder of limitless imagination and fun in its pure form, Imagica promised full amusement in its theme park.

Bill Cunningham, an American fashion photographer, said, "Fashion is the armour to survive the reality of everyday life." This year, I explored the traditional forms of Indian sartorial elegance, quite hesitantly at first: be it the white sari of Kerala or traditional nine yard sari of Maharashtra. I realized that India is indeed a hub of fashion and traditional dressing styles, and Indians are in fact, the models who proudly walk donning these diverse looks. I enjoyed dressing up in these different and exciting styles which seemed quite distant for me earlier. The reality of everyday life transformed for me for few hours at least when I experimented that something different is something better, for which people around appreciate.

Life was serene, challenging and enjoyable, yet all these moments were worth cherishing. Times of laughter with friends and loved ones provided the much needed solace and provided a break from monotony. The New Year will come up with bigger challenges and hopes. It would be yet another year when I will learn something new; it will give lots of opportunities to grow and develop from good and bitter experiences. It will have many more memories worth treasuring in my mind. Every passing year plays like a recap in my mind, which leaves footprints of lessons that I learn. New Year is not about resolutions and their fulfilment. It also provides a roadmap of how we can make our lives better by bringing about constant improvement in ourselves. 

The Gift (?) of Gab

Animal kingdom amazes me every time I watch a documentary; especially during the moments when the animals are communicating with each other- a lioness calling out to her cubs when she brings them a meal, monkeys alerting the deer when the predators are around or the arguments when prides, pairs or packs have disagreements. What really distinguishes humans from them are the advanced intellect and the ability to speak. Our vehicles to communicate are words and languages which should make sense to us and to the others we are communicating with.

We often appreciate people who have the gift of gab or confident and persuasive speaking skills. There are many professions associated with this talent. There are courses which teach you to be a good orator and train you in public speaking skills. Having command over language always helps in speaking effectively. Speeches and talks are effective when they are spoken in a language one is comfortable with. The impact is better and the purpose intended is also achieved.

After reaching a stage in German language learning where not only bombastic words but also strong and impactful content matters for scoring better, it made me think how important it is to speak wisely in our day-to-day lives as well. Actions speak louder than words, but these words themselves can have lasting impact on someone. Words can build or break relationships. Words, body language, the tone of speaking and most importantly the intent leave great impressions on someone’s mind to form opinions or judgments. The marks which a person scores or loses in these aspects differ in the certificates existing in numerous minds.

As a working professional I learn everyday where can stern or amicable language be used- sometimes combination of both. If management is the art of getting things done from people, then it is necessary that you talk in a language where your peers would really feel like working with you and giving results. I come across people who have years of experience glittering on them, but have condescending and authoritative speaking tones while dealing with their colleagues. I remember one such incident at work where two people from the same team were having a conversation with someone who could probably get their work done. Person A was being as understanding and courteous as possible. Person B was a complete contrast who spoke in a dictating and aggressive language. How much they both scored in the mind of the person they were speaking to, is again a matter of curiosity. Then come the threatening types whose survival on earth is dependent on one file that you send them. Panic and urgency is always surging within these people as they speak. With such people, it is always better to call a spade a spade. There are also mellifluously talking people who have a hypnotizing effect on someone. They can easily have their way, thanks to their oratory skills, which is in fact an art of winning people.

In our day-to-day lives too, it is necessary to introspect as to how we talk with people. It depends on the propinquity and the kind of camaraderie we share with someone. However, it should be kept in mind, especially in formal relationships, as to how you should deal with colleagues of opposite gender. Words, phrases or expressions which relate to the physical appearance or financial status should be carefully used. Holding the wrong end of the stick can spoil relationships and also can take ugly turn in form of legal actions. Therefore, boundaries have to be set when it comes to speaking, in any kind of relationship.

There’s a proverb in Marathi which literally translates into, “An arrow released from a bow and words once spoken cannot be taken back.” Yet you often wish that you could take words back. But the damage is already done. You have already lost someone’s trust. Sometimes in a foul mood, we often tend to speak harshly, though it might not be our true nature. Therefore, a serious thought always has to be given to the background, mindset and nature of the persons you deal with.  One casual comment can bring back bitter memories for someone. Words are like non-renewable resources; they have to be used prudently to have a promising and pleasant future with people around you. Your interaction with people should be such that they appreciate you even when you are not around. That is when gab is really a gift or talent and not mere gibberish.

Truly Asia!

My German class is a blissful place where we discuss a plethora of topics, with an ultimate objective to improve our language. In this process, our thoughts are channelized into thinking deeply about a particular theme, so that we express our ideas better in German. Since globalization is a pervasive phenomenon which affects every walk of our lives, we discussed one very important component of it: Tourism. We discussed as to how tours to foreign nations help us understand people and cultures; whether tours to foreign nations are preferable at very young age or at a stage where one can sense the difference between one’s nation and a foreign country. Some of my classmates suggested that trips to foreign nations help us in comparing two nations. Yes, this surely is one of the factors one realizes when one goes overseas. However, more than comparison I would view visit to foreign countries as an opportunity to appreciate their uniqueness. Quite coincidentally this topic was being discussed in our class before my very first overseas trip to two beautiful countries- Singapore and Malaysia.  A visit to both these countries left me in complete awe for them.

At the onset of my exciting journey, I could not help but notice the amazing wonder of Mumbai- T2 Airport or Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport. The structure illuminates with our tricolour flag hoisted proudly in front of it. Inside this impressive structure, my eyes were fixated upon the rich cultural heritage of India which the airport beautifully depicted. The multifarious brands around again taught me the reach of globalization and the improved purchasing power of Indians.  I was convinced that this Indian airport was at par with other renowned airports of the world. Thus, I boarded my flight with excitement, lots of expectations and anticipation. In my 5-hour flight, I painted pictures in my mind as to in what way the countries could be unique than mine.

Our first destination was Malaysia. We headed towards our first stop: Putrajaya Cruise. Putrajaya is the administrative city of Malaysia. Putrajaya cruise is on man-made Putrajaya lake where we enjoyed magnificent view of Prime Minister’s office, Putra Mosque, important administrative buildings and bridges whose construction was inspired from other famous bridges of the world. One of the structures was inspired from our very own wonder, Taj Mahal. From Putrajaya, we could see its neighbouring city Cyberjaya or the IT City of Malaysia.   After visiting this awe-inspiring city, we headed towards Genting Highlands- a high altitude hill resort.

To reach Genting Highlands, we went by one of the fastest cable cars of the world. It was a marvelous experience, as we literally travelled through the clouds to reach there. Genting Highlands had Las-Vegas style casino. However, having no experience of casinos at all, we chose to simply enjoy its grandeur, by being mere onlookers. We saw huge hordes of people approaching the casino when we decided to call it a night. For those thousands of people, night life had just begun to try their luck and win some lucre. We had our dinner at a multi-cuisine restaurant, where one could taste all flavours of Asia and Europe. The weather was cold and pleasant as one would expect on a hill station. Feeling rejuvenated at Genting Highlands, we drove to the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur. We visited Batu Caves where Karthik Swamy’s temple is nestled. The temple is in a limestone hill. To reach the temple atop, one has to climb 272 steps. However, the adrenaline rush to see what lay at the top, we climbed the steps within 10 minutes, taking frequent breaks, acting like typical sedentary Mumbaikars. Near the steps we saw the 42 metres statue of Lord Murugan or Karthik, the tallest in the world. While climbing the steps we had to be wary of the notorious macaques around, as they are known to snatch things from your hands. During my climb, I was reminded of Marleshwar Temple in Ratnagiri, where Lord Shiva’s temple is high in the mountains, located in a cave. It seemed as though Karthik too had followed his father’s footsteps by posing a challenge to his devotees to seek his blessings. The temples at the top looked like typical South Indian temples. For a moment, I thought I was in India. When I got down from the temple and was enjoying refreshingly cold coconut water, I looked at the mountains where this temple lay. On one side it had vegetation, while on the other side I saw the denuded state of it. Man’s interference with Nature seemed omnipresent as the mountains looked barren because of excessive limestone extraction by the British when they ruled Malaysia. Hoping that the invincible Murugan standing outside would protect his creations, we left for our next destination.

Inspired by the Marine Corps War Memorial in the United States, the National Monument in Kuala Lumpur is a sculpture that commemorates those who died in Malaysia’s freedom struggle. Near the monument, is a memorial that has names of the brave fighters engraved on it, which is quite similar to our India Gate in New Delhi. Every country has a solemn way to pay homage to its brave countrymen. Later, we visited the King’s palace which was a regal structure with a shining yellow dome, depicting the royal colour of the Malayan rulers. The palace has 13 flags of 13 states of Malaysia hoisted around it. The surrounding gardens and the huge expanse of land as though brought enough serenity. After getting a glimpse of Malaysia’s history and cultural heritage, we were about to see next its architectural wonder: Kuala Lumpur Tower. It is the seventh largest tower in the world and the highest viewpoint in Kuala Lumpur. This tower reminded me of Fernsehturm in Berlin, the tallest structure in Germany. Since it was evening by the time we reached up KL Tower, we could get a splendid view of the illuminating Kuala Lumpur City. It looked as though the entire city were preparing to celebrate a festival.

The next day we visited Petronas Twin Towers, the landmark of Kuala Lumpur. This 88-storey steel and glass structure is tall beyond the reach of our eyes. Petronas stands for the oil and gas company of Malaysia which has its offices and subsidiaries in one tower and the second one houses offices of other renowned companies. I realized widely that good infrastructure is one of the significant competing factors which defines the development and strength of a nation. After getting a whiff of Malaysian commerce, we visited Sunway lagoon which was a recreation park where one could get drenched in water park or enjoy watching white tigers, white lions, birds, reptiles and panthers or simply enjoy the rides. Thus, our 3-day sojourn in Malaysia ended, where I could see a potpourri of natural, cultural, historical and architectural wonders.

Next morning, we headed to reach the country of the rich: Singapore. We travelled by bus from Malaysia to Singapore. It was a unique experience for me as I had always known travelling from one country to another by air. It was indeed a great experience to know how boundaries of one country ended at one place and began for another. Singapore was a part of Malaysia until 1965 when it was carved out as a separate nation. However, Malay language of Malaysia is one of the official languages of Singapore, the other ones being English, Mandarin and Tamil. It was quite surprising to know that among the top 20 richest persons of Singapore, two were Indians. I wondered how Indians can wander to any part of the globe to make a better living, when we were told that many Indians, especially South Indians had settled in Singapore. We were soon to explore what Singapore had to offer that made it so conducive for everyone.  That night, we went on a Night Safari where we saw wild animals from different parts of the world wandering or eating in the areas that were allotted to them. Thankfully they were not imprisoned in cages. The tram ride had recorded narrations which described each of these animals. It also mentioned which all were endangered and what can one do to prevent extinction of these exotic creatures. I was particularly glad to see my favourite animals, tiger and lion. We bade good night to the animals looking curiously at us, or so we thought. Maybe the animals had grown to be indifferent of human presence, who knows!

Next day was an exciting one as we set out to explore the heart of happening Singapore. We sailed on a river cruise which described the history of Singapore and the structures around. If one tries to get a 360-degree view around, one can see the boastful tall buildings of banks and companies, which symbolize the wealth and prosperity of Singapore. We got down the cruise to face the famous sculpture which defines Singapore: The Merlion. This half lion- half fish structure signifies the fishing village that Singapore was, once upon a time. Lion lies in the name of the country, ‘Singa’ meaning lion and ‘Pura’ meaning city in Sanskrit. It is believed that when a Sumatran prince first landed on Singapore, he saw a lion and hence decided to name the city so. However, it is also said that the prince must have seen a tiger who is a native of Asia than lion, who is a prime inhabitant in Africa. Being a lover of etymology, languages, history and wildlife, this interesting story added to my knowledge and curiosity about the world. We rode on Singapore Flyer i.e. a Ferris wheel from where we got a view of entire Singapore in a 30-minute rotation. The view was breath-taking as one can see few islands of Indonesia as well. Later we visited the Flower Dome of Gardens by the Bay where we could see a palette of resplendent flowers. Think of any colour and you could see flowers in various shades of that colour. There were trees and flowers from all over the world. A saunter in the park seemed like a therapy which had the power to make me forget all worries and tensions. Such is the healing power of nature’s beauty, I thought.

After lunch, we drove to Sentosa Island. Sentosa Island was a place of fun where we went Go-carting and relived childhood days. We also sat in a cable car where enjoyed the view of dense forests and beaches which lay below. What amazed me was that Singapore not only boasted of well-built infrastructure but also preserved nature by planting good number of trees. That is what I call, striking a balance. Sentosa Island also has Madame Tussauds Wax Statue Museum where we posed with life-like statues of famous personalities of the world. As we were soon reaching dusk, a beautiful light and show awaited us which was pure treat for the eyes. The show ‘Wings of Time’ was an exhilarating experience as we witnessed the wonders light and water could do, while narrating a story. I could not take eyes off in the entire 20-minute show. It was truly captivating to experience diverse shades of light, sound and technology when darkness was around.

Next day was the one I looked forward to the most. We visited Universal Studios, a heaven of man’s limitless imagination, creativity and technological innovation. It also has an aquarium in its periphery where we saw fish of diverse shapes, sizes and colours from different parts of the world. We had entered a blue world where we saw all fish swimming placidly having nothing to worry or fear about. The aquarium had soothing music playing which encouraged us to feel relaxed and at peace, just like the fish. After experiencing tranquility at the aquarium, we geared ourselves up for some adventurous rides in Universal Studios. In all the rides that we sat, we experienced the thrill that we cannot in our daily lives. Stunt show, 4D show and a special effects show that we saw made us realize how some movies promise jaw-dropping entertainment with lasting effect. The amount of technological vision is immense. Thus another day in our exciting tour ended with limitless fun.

Singapore gives glimpses of both natural and man-made worlds for the tourists. Our last stop of the tour was Jurong Bird Park where we saw beautiful birds clad in fresh colours. This was yet another place where we could find peace in nature’s arms. The soulful voice of birds had a healing effect on mind. We saw a bird show of these exotic creatures which left us agape. The birds were trained ones and the instructor of the show told us how one needs to have patience in order to teach them. They showed us their amazing flight skills. Although all birds were majestic, one bird in particular caught my attention. It was a South American parrot who was trained to speak like humans. It wished all of us a ‘Hello’ and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for those who celebrated their birthday that day. The parrot seemed like an innocent, obedient child who did as it was told. Later we visited some owls kept in a dark area. As we silently passed through different types of owls, we saw some of them sleeping, while others stared suspiciously at us.

As we bade goodbye to this little world of birds, it was also time to end our pleasant stay in Singapore. I marveled at how Singapore had transformed itself from a fishing village to a modern state where there is a perfect balance of nature and infrastructure. It looks like wise investment of money to bring in more money through tourism and fast developing economy. This progress has been done in 52 years since its formation. Discipline, punctuality and effective use of natural and human resources are principal forces why this summit of development can be reached. No wonder Singapore is called a ‘fine city’ with pun intended.

As I boarded my flight back to Mumbai to go back to the daily routine, I carried innumerable memories and learnings which would help me in some or the other to face challenges in life; be it lessons learnt from nature, history, culture or people of those nations. These two truly Asian countries introduced me to some of the peculiar facets of Asia, the largest continent on earth.

Changing Façade of Relationships

There are some TV shows which are so much discussed about that it piques your curiosity and you actually end up watching it, justifying herd behaviour among humans. A few days back I watched one such hyped show, ‘13 Reasons Why’. It was a show about a teenager who commits suicide because she is a victim of bullying in her high school. She is in dire need of friends and wants to have a feeling of belongingness. She is emotionally wrecked by her classmates who she approaches with an expectation of building friendship. The 13 episodes show the 13 reasons why she takes her own life and the people compelling her to do it.  I felt some of the reasons were highly ludicrous, yet it made me think about the superficiality and changed forms of relationships these days.

Human beings are social animals and therefore we often find people in groups. The primitive man, too needed people along with him to chase and bring down a big game in forest. As man progressed, the need to be a part of a group grew. Man felt the need to be among the people who gave him warmth, with someone he could share his joys and sadness. It is an influx of countless emotions. These emotions led to creation of a society. As individuals, we are minions in this gargantuan organization called society. Relationships are something which bind the society together. We have developed a lot over the years and so have our relationships with people around us. Our relationships got bifurcated into personal and professional relationships. Professional relationships are highly masqueraded ones. No matter how much of difference of opinions you have with someone, it always has to be suppressed with a smile. We often hide our true selves only because we want to be accepted. Building relationships and nurturing them helps to build long lasting businesses. Genuineness in relationships does not really matter in professional world, as long as you work or get the work done. As someone who has lately started to understand the mechanism of professional relationships, I realized that very few would really be concerned and help you out in times of need. Others are just passive onlookers who would be good at pretending and sighing at your maladies. I think sometimes that in an attempt to appear ‘strictly professional’ we often forget basic human values. Talking about relationships in business world, where customer is God, a lot of emphasis is laid on keeping the customers happy, or so is propagated. Recently when my mobile talktime had got unrightfully deducted from my account, my cellphone service providers credited the lost amount to my account, as a ‘one-time goodwill activity’. That means the goodwill was limited to only this one instance and I shouldn’t expect any further ‘act of kindness’ from them again, when I face similar unjust situation in future. Even if I change my service provider in future, it will hardly matter to the company. It would be like losing just one drop from huge ocean of customers.

Personal Relationships too have changed and modernized. We are emotionally attached to our families and friends, or so since I last heard it. Sadly ‘give and take’ is the foundation of many friendships today. We feel obligated to return the favour done to us by our friends, otherwise we fear that our perception in the minds of our friends might change. This is hardly a surprising phenomenon in the materialistic world. Nowadays the standard of living has improved. People are attracted to those friends who would throw huge parties or spend heavily on them, but would neglect those who would be silent well-wishers. ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’ seems like a passé in this fast developing world, where people face huge paucity of time. As if to overcome this guilt for not being there for friends, verbal expressions of concern and emoticons do the soothing or providing of mental support. A lot has to be expressed these days rather than implying. However, the world still possesses innumerable selfless beings for whom trust, honesty, respect and love are the foundation of long lasting friendships.

Even the idea of family has changed. For Indians, a family would mean parents, grandparents, children and a huge chain of extended family. We consider blood relationships to be supreme and ultimate. We are sensitive towards our families and they form epicenter of every decision that we make. In western countries, the face of family itself has changed, thanks to technology and more preference towards better professional life. I believe that learning a language does not only mean learning new words or expressions. It also means understanding the culture and society of the country. A few weeks back we were discussing the nature of relationships in German society. I learnt this interesting and never-heard-before concept of ‘Mehrgenerationenhaus’ where people of different generations who are not related by blood stay together cordially in a house or a building. The main purposes of such a living are to have meaningful conversations, an exchange of ideas with each other and develop relationships. The young help the old by doing their chores or by teaching them aspects of modern technology. There are various activities and courses for people of different generations, thus building a synergy and optimistic attitude among people. No one feels lonely in such a structure. There are ‘Leihomas’ and ‘Leihopas’ literally meaning ‘borrowed grandmas and grandpas’ where the retired old people volunteer to look after the children of working parents. The parents are more than delighted to leave their children with these ‘grandparents’ as they are assured that their children will learn good values from them. Nowadays where even the blood relationships are not so deep, this serves as an example as to how humanity, trust and respect are the basis to begin any relationship.

Live-ins, co-parenting, single parenthood, long distance relationships are prevalent in German society. There are couples who meet only on weekends i.e. who belong to ‘Wochenendbeziehung’ and plan to spend quality time together. I read one interesting article about this concept. It said that such relationships give enough freedom to partners to have their own space and not intrude into each other’s privacy which might happen while living together. This avoids arguments and the love is believed to remain intact, where the couples can discuss their problems and worries when they meet and emotionally support each other. In France, under the legal contract of ‘Pacte civil de solidarité’ unmarried couples live together. These contracts can be easily revoked. This contract is signed in presence of a notary, without any ceremony. The partners get visiting rights if either of them is hospitalized. They are also entitled for pensions, if either of the partners dies. And then we thought that marriage is the final step or a ‘license’ to stay together! Laws can be innovative too, something which encourages us to change the way we think.

In co-parenting, two or three individuals, who are not in love with each other, who do not know each other very well, can be united with the common purpose of raising a child together. This is common among the LGBT community who fulfil their wish to have a child; of course love is a factor that is very much present. On the contrary there are instances of persons who have failed relationships in the past, but would like to have children without getting married or without getting into serious relationships. A lot of heterosexuals, too welcome such a model of relationship to raise a child in a loveless relationship. As Indians, we would be brutally and culturally shocked to think of such new forms of relationships. Most of us would term such kind of societies as ‘westernized’ or ‘without values or morals’. We cannot be blamed for such thinking as we have grown in a patriarchal society. We would still stand firm on our conventional model of family. Sometimes I think we should thank our traditions and values for our closely knit families, which teach us tolerance, sharing, empathy and understanding.

Relationships are like plants which have to be nurtured with love and care. Any form of hatred, anger or misunderstanding can wither them away. In any relationship, the spark is alive as long as there is love and warmth. The faces of relationships have changed; people have explored new ways and means to strike harmony with fellow human beings. Some relationships provide temporary respite, while others last for a lifetime. When the river of life is slowly ebbing away, we won’t think of those relationships in which we have been superficially present, but those who have gifted us precious memories and lots of smiles- our genuine relationships, be it our family, friends, neighbours or any stranger who has contributed to make our life better.