Dejected on being Rejected

It is said, “Everything is fair in love and war.” Though love and war are emotions and situations that are two extreme ends of a pole, we still expect them to be fair. Yet most of us overlook this ‘fairness’ part of the proverb. We emphasize more on the ‘anything and everything’ aspect of love and war. I was convinced of this fact when I came across a news of youth stabbing a girl because she did not reciprocate his feelings of love. If love is fair, then why should it have element of violence? It is like love being overshadowed by violence and force. When war (violence) mixes with love, there is no space left for fairness.

When I read and think about such cases, I realize that some human beings are averse to rejection and criticism. We hear some haughty statements like, “I am not used to listening to NO”. This attitude has a lot to do with a person’s upbringing when his or her wishes are somebody else’s commands. Another reason is the machismo or patriarchy existing in a society like ours which turns some men into jilted lovers or perpetrators.

Rejection is capable of bogging us down and sometimes even a reason for falling into depression. But it is also like a bitter medicine which one has to take in order to do better in life. Rejections can teach us a lot. For someone who gets no response from any of the jobs applied, one always has an opportunity to hone his or her skills and be tailor-made for the best job that awaits. Isn’t it why it is said, ‘Failure is the stepping stone to success’? In our country where rat race is ubiquitous in every field, rejections are also inevitable for many who do not get an opportunity to see their dreams taking shape in a desired college or in a dream company, despite hours, days, months and years of hard work. However, patience helps and ultimately rewards the hard-working.

So how can the effect of rejection be diluted? It is good to have one goal in life and strive towards its achievement. Having said that, it is always better to have a plan B as well. There is always a possibility that we may necessarily not get what we want. In such a scenario, it is better to go with an alternate plan than cursing the fate for not granting your wish. Because time sprints and waits for none, the disappointments can look uglier if there are no efforts to drive the car of Life on some other, albeit bumpy road. We wish to lead our life on a smooth road, but the road is not always smooth. There have to be speed-breakers in form of rejections and failures. They are the toll that we pay to value what we already have in life and constantly persevere to improve.

In cases where love for someone does not get reciprocated, I think that life still should not stop for one person in particular. Resorting to extreme steps or going binge drinking in memory of that person may seem entertaining in movies or novels, but in reality it is an irrational step.  Life can be better without that ‘one special person’ and you alone have to be a catalyst for that betterment. It starts by keeping least expectations from people around you. That one step helps to ease the pain of disappointment that could arise in future.

Though rejection, failure, disappointment make us gloomy, but to fear them and not give something a try is again a sign of having low faith in yourself. Fear of rejection will never pull us out of our comfort zones and forever keep us complacent. If you have a lot of potential, but still refrain from doing better for yourself with the fear of being rejected, it is like being unfair to yourself and killing the strengths that you may possess. A person can still achieve what he wants by overcoming all the demons in his life, maybe not in the prime of his young age but at later point of time in life. The sense of satisfaction on fulfillment of a dream by defeating the hurdles in form of rejections and failures is the greatest feeling in the world. It is a test of a person’s perseverance and endurance to go for something that he likes, fighting all the odds. Rejections or failures can be shattering at first, but when taken in a positive way, it is possible to rise like a Phoenix and still win the world.

City of Nizams and Pearls: A Sojourn in Heritage and Creativity

India is a land of myriad geographies, diverse history, resplendent cultures and unique people. To explore India is like listening to distinct stories which the cities narrate. Tourism flourishes thanks to the heritage every city has to boast about. This year we decided to visit Hyderabad where history, nature and corporates exist together to make it a city of opportunities and a place where the depths of rich history can be explored and adored. Mumbai being the financial capital has this unique blend of history, festivities and commercialization too. We decided to unfold another chapter of Indian history by visiting Hyderabad.

We checked into a hotel in Ramoji Film City, a grand city in Hyderabad. Though this was my second visit to Ramoji, I still enjoyed the time spent there afresh. Ramoji is an experience to cherish the remarkable man-made wonder. Film-making is a challenging art. What we watch on screens has lot of things going on in the background. While we appreciate the actors in the film, it is the people working behind the screens who take efforts to make a film best that it is. We saw various sets, astonishingly made of cardboard, yet had the appeal of bricks and mortar. The major attraction among the sets was that of Baahubali. The magnificent Mahishmati Kingdom shown in the movie had its roots in the vast area of Ramoji Film City. Though in partially dismantled state, the sets could still give the grand feeling of the movie. The songs and dialogues played in the background, adding touch to this amazing experience. It was yet another beautiful glimpse of immense efforts put in by the team behind the curtains. The tricks which the directors use in the film and the way they are presented to the viewers in a promising way, was a fascinating thing to learn about film-making. Talent lies even in the tricks! Ramoji has struck a perfect equilibrium between nature and creativity: on one hand there were life-like sets, emanating talent from shows, amusement rides and on the other hand there were various parks dedicated to a variety of flora and fauna as a step towards environmental awareness, apart from attracting numerous tourists. It is an impeccably planned architectural wonder, making sure that there is enough greenery around to offer tranquility. I was marveled at the number of jobs this one wonder had created, providing a decent livelihood to many. I also experienced how the hospitality industry works, whose ultimate aim is to satisfy its customers. Ramoji Film City was a complete package of entertainment, well-maintained environment and peace of mind.

After spending a day in this epitome of creativity, we headed the next day to explore the city. Our first destination for the day was Nehru Zoological Park. Being an ardent lover of animals, I looked forward watching some of my favourite animals. We were greeted first by an intrepid jaguar, wearing a coat of his God-gifted impressive spotted skin. A little ahead we saw my most favourite animal: the majestic tiger. While the jaguar flaunted his spotted coat, the tiger with his perfectly brushed stripes exhibited his elegance. Big Cats are known for their stealth and hence one could not guess what was going on in the tiger’s mind as he walked from one place to another as though deep in thought. We stood there for a long time looking at this ferocious national animal of ours. We saw elephants who were leisurely grazing in the vegetation with nothing to care about in the world. These intelligent animals have always amazed me. We saw deer and emus living together in harmony. Who said that you always need like-minded beings to live with? Giraffes, bears and jackals showed their respective traits as well. We entered the world of birds who were decked up in variety of colours. Nature’s palette of colours must be having endless shades to add to the beauty of these birds! The showstopper of the zoo was the colourfully adorned peacock who opened his feathers as if to pose in front of the many shutterbugs. It was a pleasant treat to the eyes. When the peacock realized that his fans are done capturing his beauty on their cameras, he diligently closed his feathers. The zoological park had lot of greenery to make it conducive for our animal friends. Bidding goodbye to these cheerful animals and birds, we went ahead to see more of the city prospered by humans.

Our next destinations were Charminar and Chowmahalla Palace. Charminar, the jewel of the city, stands strong amidst the hustle and bustle of the city. There were many people posing for pictures in front of this gigantic structure. The surrounding markets offering a plethora of products and hordes of people give hardly any time to stand and appreciate the structure. Yet the beauty of Charminar does not go unnoticed. It makes you look high at its tall minarets to appreciate the intricate designs that they flaunt. Chowmahalla Palace, not very far from Charminar, had four grand palaces next to each other- Aftab, Mehtab, Tehniyat and Afzal. They narrated the history of lineage of Nizams. In the area outside the palaces, there were vintage cars and trams of the Nizams which took us back to the olden times. The eye pleasing chandeliers in the palaces, the attires of the Nizams and the still fresh colours of Khilwat Mubarak i.e. the seat of the Asaf Jahi dynasty exhibited the royal lifestyle of the Nizams. Another awe-inspiring structure within Chowmahalla Palace is the Clock Tower in which the clock has been ticking for around 250 years.  What richness truly meant, we understood after visiting this impregnable structure. Our next stop was Salarjung Museum where one could see glimpses of art from all around the world. Nawab Mir Yusuf Ali Khan, then Prime Minister of Hyderabad, had collected these unique artifacts from different parts of the world and made it possible for us to understand what meaning and style art has in various parts of the world. These ancient and medieval paintings, sculptures and artifacts would give a tough competition to the modern art with their fresh colours and out-of-the-box creativity. I realized that human brain is like an ocean of multitudes of ideas which are beautifully depicted when presented on canvas or in sculptures or artifacts. Having a creative mindset is therefore of utmost importance to display the strides in human capabilities.

India is a country where every God of every religion is considered sacrosanct. We visited the milky white Birla Mandir to pay our respects to the highly revered deities. The temple is clad in pure white marble as though encouraging to have purity in our thoughts as well. We spent some peaceful time in vicinity of the Almighty, simultaneously getting rejuvenated in the composure around. After relaxing ourselves in the gentle breeze of the temple, we headed towards the last destinations of our city tour- Hussain Sagar Lake and Lumbini Park. Hussain Sagar Lake seems to expand beyond the eyesight with the statue of Buddha standing proudly in the middle, showering his blessings on people. This vast body of water is a solace around the busy roads of Hyderabad. The sun was setting to soon give way to the Light and Laser show at Lumbini Park. Eager to watch yet another spectacle of creativity, I sensed a feeling of déjà vu when I had visited a similar laser show in Sentosa Island, Singapore last year. The laser show at Lumbini Park left us awestruck with the mind-blowing combination of music and dancing lights.  The thirty-minute show illuminated us with memories of a lifetime.

We reached the end of the day, enervated. Yet the glimpses of the entire day spent in Hyderabad city were captured in our minds and eyes forever. As I had rightly said, every city has a story to tell and Hyderabad was a perfect raconteur who narrated its stories through its grandeur. It was soon time to take leave from the rich city of Nizams to come back to modern-day rich Mumbai and embrace the daily struggles. Despite the struggles, I have learned from Nizams to live life, king-size!

Hear me out!

Since childhood we know this proverb, “Speech is silver but silence is golden.” We all love to speak and want to have audience to respond to something that we speak. When I remember this proverb taught in school, I believe that nowadays we are rushing more for silver than gold. We are simply ignoring the gold in our lives i.e. to sit silently and listen, because we are busy expressing ourselves in various forms. The urge to pour the heart out is so intense that it surpasses the need to listen. Even the English language has provided two different words for the similar function that is carried out by our ears: ‘to hear’ and ‘to listen’. In today’s world, where we admire good speakers, we are slowly losing the ability, or rather the interest to listen. We hear a lot of things, but surely most of it falls on our deaf ears. Probably, soon the job of listening will be restricted only to counsellors and psychiatrists.

I am a part of many group conversations, either online or face-to-face. I particularly remember being part of one of the conversations where we sat as one group. However, in my mind there were two groups in this one group: The Eager Speakers and The (Compelled) Audience. In this case I belonged to the latter category. The Eager Speakers continuously went on speaking as if our conversation was all the platform that they had. But here there was a tinge of tussle. It is said that likes repel. In this conversation, the Eager Speakers were cut short or interrupted by their like-minded friends. Therefore, it seemed that I was witnessing two parallel conversations. In this process, I discovered a third category in this conversation. I call that person ‘Master Eager Speaker’. Such Masters dive into the conversation by making their point in a loud voice. The other eager souls were left agape when their master forcefully broke in out of nowhere. By now, the (compelled) audience finds it hard to remember what was the original topic that led to this cacophony. Finally, when the Eager Speakers and Masters were finished unloading everything that they had in mind, they ask the exhausted audience, “Oh why are you so silent today? Is anything wrong?” When the already distressed listener heaves a sigh of relief that the speakers are not inconsiderate after all and rejoices at the opportunity to speak, he is again attacked by incessant blabber of Eager Speakers. The attention of the Eager Speakers could be held only if you have any fresh piece of interesting information.

Some people listen only to react. They shut their ears and mind to everything what the person opposite has to say. No matter how much good sense your words make, the adamant listener still says, “I don’t buy what you say.” In this case, we cannot call that person ‘listener’ if he or she is merely hearing you without giving any thought. Most of the times the preference to listen to someone greatly depends on our perception of the speakers. Thus, Horn or Halo attitude come into picture. Then there is another category of listeners whom I call ‘The Analysts’. These Analysts have anecdotes and comparisons for every point that you make. No matter which incident you narrate, it has already happened with them and a detailed report of comparative analysis is ready with them. Soon, the anecdotes of the analysts become the epicenter of discussion. The person who wanted to be heard is soon lost in the crowd of discussions, because every general topic soon becomes a personal topic for the Analysts.

Therefore, I find that selective listening is the best alternative to avoid falling prey to unnecessary chatter. We are ardent listeners of the people we find respectable. But what are the consequences of being listeners to bad influencers? In Mythology, we have examples of Kaikeyi and Kauravas who became grey personalities as result of unwanted listening. Even today, we have many Mantharas and Shakunis in personal and professional world who are set to disturb the peace around. It is the brainwashing that such people are good at. With such devious people, it is necessary to make good use of the two ears that we are blessed with: one to listen with and the other one to immediately eliminate something that sounds destructive. In order to distinguish between the good and the bad, it is important to have your own set of principles and opinions, so that the filtering out of information becomes easier. When the misleading speaker is aware of the fact that the listener has a feeble and indecisive personality, the speaker soon becomes dominant and the listener submissive. Eventually the influencer takes charge of the listener’s brain too. In some situations, the speaker is not an evil soul, but in fact a distressed one. Such distressed speakers are constantly finding reservoirs to let go off their burden. A conversation with such people is equally mind-crippling as their litany of worries and problems never seem to end. The distressed souls do not necessarily need a correct audience to listen to their worries. Any stranger could also be their reservoir.

A dialogue and therefore communication is successful only when there is an equilibrium between speaking and listening. Listening is also an art that has to be mastered. In our Listening Comprehension module in German, we pay detailed attention to what the speakers say. Any miscomprehension and we lose marks in the exam. Similarly, in our lives we must be good listeners so that there is no misunderstanding and the bond remains unbroken. Of course, the words can be twisted and statements like “You must have heard me wrong” are common. Still, listening is something that we need to pay more attention to. The formula for successful relationships is the give and take of encouraging words, a perfect blend of expression and listening. The day you master the art of listening with an ability to distinguish between productive and unnecessary, no matter how much pessimism surrounds you, it still does not reach the heart. After all, the ears are the gateway that transport words to your heart. It is up to you whether you want to burden your mind by listening to something that can take away that wonderful smile of yours. Rather than being eavesdroppers it is always best to be rational listeners, so that whatever you listen, is always music to your ears!

EUREKA!

In spite of not being a big physics fan, I always found the story behind Archimedes’ Principle to be very interesting. Archimedes came up with this law as he lay in his bath tub. Elated to find out that he just discovered something that explained a phenomenon, he proclaimed “Eureka! Eureka!” which translates into “I found it”. Human beings have always been creative in all stages of evolution. Perhaps the need for survival kept the creative side of man alive. Discoveries and inventions are impossible without creativity. We often compliment writers and artists for their works. But is creativity restricted only to a specific group of people and companies? The answer is No. Every person around is creative. The means to display creativity can vary.

Great ideas emerge when we think out of the box. Innovation is the product of creativity. When I ask someone, “Could you write a short article about your experience at a trip?” The usual answer that I get is, “Ah, let’s see. I am not really good at writing.” Sometimes these answers come without even giving a thought. Surely, people have specific forte. But it is important to discover your creative side. Without creativity, we are just a bunch of robots who do what they are asked to. Creativity can only come out if you are passionate about something. For example, someone who has excellent culinary skills tries out variations in the daily style of cooking or comes up frequently with new recipes. The outcome of such experiments may not always be positive. Yet that can be taken as a lesson to do better. The first step to discover the creative side is to ask yourself, “What am I really good at? What am I greatly inclined to?” Once you get that answer, you start taking steps in that direction.

Creativity is subjective and hence two persons cannot have the same view about an idea. Recently I was involved in an initiative which required me to come up with ideas and also edit the write-ups contributed by people. This initiative was a means to encourage people to contribute their experiences, or so I thought. I found some amateurish write-ups also to be well articulated. I considered this initiative as a platform to give thrust to writing and an opportunity for all those who wanted to try a hand at writing. However, the people I was working with were not of the same view. Their idea and perception of creativity was totally different than mine. They emphasized more on cutting short the write-ups, without even realizing that the essence would have been lost. Hence I faced creative differences with them. What was creative for them was not creative enough for me and vice versa.

Creativity does not mean only to come out with new paintings, new recipes, a new book or something snobbish. It can be applied in daily lives as well. It should help in some or the other way to ease the way of doing things. For example, when I was a beginner at using Microsoft Excel, I resorted to long cuts to organize my data. It consumed my time considerably. I needed some alternative to finish the given piece of work faster. I tried to get better by observing my colleagues and of course by resorting to Google, which taught me good number of keyboard shortcuts. When you face a problem and try to find solutions for it, you are in fact being creative because you want to make life easier. Something as simple as choosing a slide template and images that can display your thoughts better and in a convincing way to the target audience is also a way to display the creative side of you. Creative ideas make whatever simple we do a fun experience.

As children we were lot more creative than what we are today. I remember some of my school mates colouring sky or trees in colours other than blue and green. Probably they imagined or wanted to see the sky or the trees in colours they wanted to. The view of the world was not clear then and yet we had our own set of imaginations to look at the world in our own creative way.  I remember how I loved to have box of crayons with me and looked forward to colouring pictures. Adding colours to the picture as though added colour to my life.  I still use pens of different colours to highlight the important points. As a child and till date, creativity means using the best of my handwriting with the help of different inks!

As we grow up and are busy acquiring degrees, the creative side in us takes a back seat. We become more mechanical. We need to give time to ourselves to sit peacefully and think as to how we can explore the lost creativity in us. Creativity needs discipline and dedication. It needs to be nurtured so that it can come out as the best product. Besides, creativity shows the other side of you. When I am writing an essay, I sit with a blank mind for first few minutes and then I silently summon the ideas which can make my essay look effective. It is like digging deep to look for a treasure followed by the happiness on finally discovering it.

Creativity is limited not only to your passions but also to the routine work that you do. Creative ideas need to be boosted; otherwise they recede like waves. The person who is at the receiving end of these ideas should be knowledgeable and practical enough to absorb these ideas. In an organization, every employee must be given a chance to display his creative skills, irrespective of his or her position in the organization. I have heard some hindrances towards this with statements like, “I have spent more years in this organization. I know things better than you.” Creativity can be encouraged only when one is given the liberty to take decisions freely. Surely there can be reviews and feedbacks about the ideas proposed. There can be intensive brain storming. But that opportunity to be creative needs to be put forth with the readiness to have open ears and an open mind.

Ideas can originate from anywhere and everywhere. Just that one inspiration, one situation, one problem is necessary to free the imprisoned creative soul in us. Creativity is pervasive; without it, we are incomplete. Hence, every day can be a fruitful one when we sow the seeds of our creativity in every little way. It keeps us on our toes. We may not have our Eureka moments every day. But the day we have that, we can pat our backs with pride, for we have brought about an improvement, a change and have spread happiness and satisfaction in our own little way.

The Fairer Sex with Panache

We are players of a great race. We race against time. Twenty-four hours of a day pass in a jiffy and we are hardly left with any time for ourselves. Television which was an indispensable and much looked forward component of entertainment after going home is now a part of our smartphones. With the advent of web-series, viewers are promised quality content with limited episodes and hence pure entertainment. Web-series gain popularity over word of mouth. I watched one such highly recommended series called ‘The Test Case’. A woman bravely battles the mentality of Indian society by being part of the Special Forces of the Indian Army. A job dominated by males, she breaks the stereotypes by literally standing shoulder to shoulder with her male colleagues. Of course, she has to face certain obstacles to prove her ability by fighting for herself, refusing to accept any help or support from men. She emerges victorious and holds her head high in pride. I was thoroughly impressed with the concept, dialogues and performances of the actors. It made me wonder how women still have to break so many stereotypes which exist in different facets of society. We have a long way to go before we actually have a more open-minded, egalitarian society.

Women are always under scrutiny or critical eyes, be it in their professional or personal lives. It begins with something as simple as the attire they wear. Anything above knee length can attract unwanted attention. It is not only men who judge women for their attire; women too are eager commentators and judges. There is this invisible boundary laid down by the society, which determines a woman’s character from her choice of clothes. It is this straitjacketed nature of human beings which measures a woman’s dignity on the basis of the length of her dress, rather than peeping into the wonderful soul that she might be. Many times in local trains or at public places some men take the liberty of staring constantly at girls. How that girl or woman is dressed is immaterial. The fact that she is a female is enough to look at her. If such men take part in the game which involves staring at someone without blinking, they would surely win it!

In professional world, women are at par with men. Women are good decision makers and managers. Keeping everything organized and up-to-date is a woman’s forte. Their insistence for perfection can sometimes make them tough beings to work with and at the same time challenging living up to their expectations. Women are human beings too, and therefore lack of empathy and stubbornness does not escape them as well. Today women are ambitious and they want their word to be ultimate in the work that they do. For people who think that women are overly emotional, they are not aware that pragmatism has already reached the fairer sex. Though many companies today boast of gender equality, it is a bitter reality that even in developed countries like Germany, women face inequality in pay. Even the choice of education is gender-specific. Some careers are meant exclusively for men, while some exclusively for women. Any ‘diversion’ in this ‘established model of thoughts’ and eyebrows are raised and perceptions about sexuality are formed. I remember a story by Sudha Murty wherein she recounted her years of engineering as the only female student in the class. Times have changed today, but faint boundaries between the genders do exist.

Another huge misconception existing in the Indian minds is that a woman is complete when she bears a child. Today women are drivers of their own fate and they do not need someone special to complete them. Marriage is not binding on women; hence it is not a priority in their checklist of long term goals. They get married when they are ready and not when the society expects them to be. Age is just a number for them. They can find a perfect man even at the age of 40 or 50! Staying single and living life on their own terms can sound as exciting as spending the lifetime with a partner. I came across some articles which stated that several women nowadays postpone pregnancies in order to fulfill their career goals first. Science and technology are developed to benefit the humankind and therefore, a late pregnancy is not an impossible thing today. Women do not get into the ties of marriage only because their biological clock is ticking. Educated women these days put a careful thought before choosing their partner. It is not simply a decision taken out of coercion or emotions. Motherhood is surely a pristine feeling, but that experience not all women may want to have. Even the society should not judge such women or couples for such a ‘bold move’ as many would think!

Women are all pervasive and foundation of every society. Marketing and advertising world has banked upon this very fact to promote their products better. Almost every advertisement that we see revolves around women. They are managers at home as well after all. Beauty is synonymous with women and hence there is panoply of beauty products which ‘persevere’ to enhance a woman’s personality. The definition of beauty is sadly limited to only fair and flawless skin, indicative of a woman’s success. If fair skin were the secret of success and beauty, then all white skinned women would be the happiest on Earth! Women are also victims of body shaming, where only being in good shape matters in order to be noticed by people. This myopic view of beauty needs to be modified. A cheerful and happy face with poise would make every woman look beautiful. The most amusing advertisements are that of sanitary pads which overflow with unrealistic optimism and temerity. Women definitely do not prefer white clothes when their red flower is blooming! The advertisements put up a very utopian life of women. In reality, a woman’s life is all about balancing her home and work, being successful in both these lives while wading through the crowded local trains every day to work. Her dreams and sense of responsibility keep her going, irrespective of her monthly menstrual cramps or with the new life growing inside her.

Women are indeed a unique creation of God. They are too strong to demand leave from work when they are menstruating. When people call women the weaker sex, I wonder how they make such reckless statements. Women are physically stronger than men for they give birth to a new life. Therefore, it is often said that childbirth is a woman’s second birth, in danger of maternal mortality that may occur. The core of a woman is not flawless beauty and perfect physique. Her true beauty is reflected through her flaws and imperfections. And when people learn to accept women, stand by them in all their difficulties, say by being supportive even when they are PMSing, encouraging them to look after their health, giving them freedom to make their own choices and most importantly imparting in them a sense of confidence and independence, we can call every woman to be elegant. Feminism would then soon make way to welcome egalitarianism as a symbol of a modern and developed society.

The Leap from L to M

When I log into my Facebook account these days, it is always flooded with wedding pictures. Either the bride or the groom posts them or the friends who attend the wedding do the honours, with hefty captions and best wishes. Pictures in various poses, elegant attires and gleaming decorations make every wedding look like a big fat Indian wedding. There is a pictorial coverage of all the special moments that lead to marriage: Be it engagement, parties, pre-wedding and candid pictures. Although sometimes orchestrated and clichéd, they look appealing to the eyes. It is a one-time celebration (hopefully!) which a person desires in his or her life; to welcome the new addition, the new phase of life with great pomp. When I look at the smiling pictures of the couples, I wonder how their journey together actually begins with love and then materializes into marriage. It is this leap from Love to Marriage which amazes me.

I have listened to a number of real life romantic stories. As a writer and reader, they exactly seem like the ones I read in novels or like ideas that I can include in my romantic stories. And the couples are perfect raconteurs when they describe how they first met or their funny and quarrelsome moments. They are so immersed in love that they talk at great lengths about each other as if their partner is a subject of their specialization! Having ‘someone special’ in life is indeed like having a passion you never get bored about. You learn all the depths of that person, the grey sides and still take the (risk?) to accept the person way he or she is. I think it is like having a job you are passionate about, which you enjoy no matter how many challenges come in the way. Sometimes it is also about sacrifices.

What I just mentioned above is also true when we choose our friends. There is compatibility among friends as well. That is why precisely we are friends with someone. I have read somewhere that your partner should be your best friend, a confidant. How does it happen that you choose one particular person to be your ‘One’? It is similar to being fond of a number of things but there is one special thing that captures your heart the most. It is this one person you choose to spend the rest of the life with. Whether the decision of marriage is rushed into out of love or infatuation differs.  The emotions differ. Some couples give each other enough time; spend enough time together to understand each other before exchanging the vows. I believe that is the best way to think over if someone is really worth your time and affection in future. Love is not completely blind these days; financial stability, thought processes and family background as well are taken into consideration. People should look at the practical aspect of love, rather than getting bogged down by emotions. Marriage is like a long time investment around which your future plans about job, money, family and mental stability revolve.

Recently I had been to a Marathi play which focused around a couple who frequently has difference of opinions and therefore arguments, although theirs is a love marriage. I do not imply that a marriage without arguments is necessarily a happy one. Life transforms greatly after marriage. There was a thought-provoking dialogue in the play: “When we used to date, we always looked forward to see each other. We used to meet, talk and then return to our homes, longing for the next day to meet. It is only after marriage that we started staying together and the problems in our life arose.” You cannot really understand a person unless you live with him or her. It is similar to spending some time in a foreign country to understand its language, culture, manners and etiquettes. When you meet someone for a couple of hours he or she shows or puts on the best of behaviours.  After marriage when two people live under the same roof, they are aghast to find out each other’s some of unpleasant or unacceptable habits and traits. Then arguments and pointing at each other’s mistakes begin. But having said that, it is also true that no one is perfect and when in love, you tend to accept the person with his or her imperfections. I had watched a film called ‘Beauty & the Briefcase’ wherein Hilary Duff sets out to find her ‘magic man’ with a lengthy list of attributes. In the end, she finds her magic man in a person who does not have any of the attributes listed by her. He is in fact her real love, albeit with imperfections.

Instead of hastily rushing into marriage, it is very much necessary that two people understand each other thoroughly. In India, live-ins are frowned upon and a legal marriage with all the rituals and blessings is ultimately the approval to stay together.  Again, if the differences grow eventually leading into a divorce, the society is eager to label someone as ‘divorced’ like a lifelong blemish. And if a woman is divorced, the society is all set to form all kinds of opinions about her. When I read or learn about western cultures, I find a huge gap in the perception about love and marriage. Of course, relationships having deepest of deep love also end up in divorce.  A divorce or a separation need not happen bitterly. It could just be a way of giving some space to someone and letting someone to live life on his or her own terms. The couple continues to see each other as friends and still may share their intimate feelings. The necessity or absence of marriage has no impact on their relationship.

When people celebrate bachelor or spinster parties, we often hear the people around say, “Enjoy the last day of your independence”. Why is it so that marriage is often viewed as shackles and a full stop to freedom? When we accept someone along with imperfections, it is not difficult to let the person be the way he or she is. Marriage should not be a hurdle while pursuing the dreams and goals that you have carried all along. Marriage brings shared responsibilities and it is through this sharing that one supports the other. We surely make sacrifices for each other, but then it should not be only one person who is always taking a step down.  Marriage unites two people to be one. But in this tryst of oneness, you should not forget the unique individual that you are. Reaching a consensus with your partner is good, but standing firmly by your principles, ideas and beliefs is equally important.

Marriage is not only about going together everywhere as a couple, but it is also taking some time off from each other to go out on exciting outings with friends or working on something really interesting. If your partner is supportive enough, surely it is understood how important ‘me-time’ is. Therefore, I truly agree with the belief that marriage is a life-changing decision, where your partner plays a role in making your life better than it is or so you hope! Love conquers all they say. When you say ‘I do’ at your wedding or go through all the wedding rituals, it is an eternal promise that you make to someone to stand by all the highs and lows of your relationship. It is a promise to be together as one team. ‘Love’ and ‘Marriage’ may not always be synonymous at beginning, but they are binding factors to be with your ‘Perfect One’ and call yourselves the ‘Lucky One’!

The Power of Grapevine

Being an ardent fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I have watched the episode ‘The One with the Resolutions’ umpteen number of times. It is typical Rachel ‘to find out things and pass the information on’. The entire episode ahead is full of laughter and a big revelation, which changes the course of plot ahead.

We all have a Rachel in us, who loves to gossip. In fact, we are surrounded by gossips, like the breeze. It is human nature to talk about others. We either love to hear gossips or we share our ‘own versions of truth’ with friends or colleagues. I often see two friends starting the conversation with, “OK, now tell me all the interesting news that you have got!” Gossips are like brittle objects, they are entrusted with true confidants. Every topic of gossip starts with, “Don’t tell anyone, but I think…” That ‘Don’t tell anyone’ point of the confidentiality pact is immediately broken because soon the words spread out like wild fire. Rather in that excitement to listen to the sensational news, ‘don’t tell anyone’ is easily overheard.

There are some people who are known as sources of information. They have ears and spies all around. These ‘news sources’ consolidate the information that their five senses collect. But once the news breaks out to a large number of people, this source is lost in the crowd, who wisely wears an invisibility cloak. One has to win trust of these insiders, so that one is updated with all the latest happenings. These news agents portend future as well. Hence when all people around are flabbergasted when something actually happens, these sources sit back and smile proudly with ‘I knew it already’ attitude. The look on a person’s face while sharing interesting information about someone is that of curiosity and later of relief, when the information is unloaded off his or her back. It often happens with me that I know already something discreet and the other person supplies me with the same information. I am dumbfounded because until the ‘moment of my disappointment’ I am a privileged holder of that information.

What I find amazing in a grapevine communication is that it changes its colour in every transmission, like a chameleon. Hence, if a piece of information is passed from person A to person Z, we have 27 versions of the same incident; one being the actual truth and the other 26 are versions or interpretations of 26 different people. If the so-called secret news is about someone we don’t like, then we add our own ingredients to make the story spicier. There’s a script writer hidden in all of us, or should I call it our power of immense imagination?

Grapevine changes form and soon it becomes a story of fiction. In our eagerness to stumble upon something new, we often forget the impact it could have on someone’s standing among people. It can sometimes take an ugly turn and tarnish a person’s reputation. The modified versions of truth can influence our opinions or perceptions about someone. The views expressed in rumours or gossips are that of the person narrating them; but those views end up being our own opinions. It all melts down ultimately to our interpretation of things. Wrong interpretation simply adds oil to the fire. Sometimes we have got nothing to do with that information or that person, yet we form our opinions, we behave with that third person in a different manner. Sometimes pre-conceived notions help, sometimes they don’t. Be it in organizations or our personal lives, there is never a dearth of gossips and rumours. The decision whether to believe them or not is totally at our discretion. 

Information reaches to us in any form- be it social media or a casual chat with someone. It is inevitable that we are often witnesses (or victims?) of ‘sensational’ information. While seeing, listening and speaking are our involuntary functions, these functions have the power to shape our behaviours and personality. For some people, indulging in gossips is a pastime. It is a way to vent out some feelings towards others. I know it is totally utopic, but conversations without a tinge of gossip could also be entertaining. It is good to laugh at ourselves than at others. We can make our lives so interesting and full of passion that there should be no void to be filled by rumours and gossips, or we can choose to simply overhear what is not important to us. The train of our life should be fast paced and productive, so that these least important pieces of information can be like those fast changing views from a train, which go unnoticed. Rather than starting a conversation with, “A little bird told me…” it would be much more cordial to start with something like, “So tell me about the best part of your day!” I am sure that the sincere words coming from the heart can sound sweeter than the chirping of the ‘birds’.