Hear me out!

Since childhood we know this proverb, “Speech is silver but silence is golden.” We all love to speak and want to have audience to respond to something that we speak. When I remember this proverb taught in school, I believe that nowadays we are rushing more for silver than gold. We are simply ignoring the gold in our lives i.e. to sit silently and listen, because we are busy expressing ourselves in various forms. The urge to pour the heart out is so intense that it surpasses the need to listen. Even the English language has provided two different words for the similar function that is carried out by our ears: ‘to hear’ and ‘to listen’. In today’s world, where we admire good speakers, we are slowly losing the ability, or rather the interest to listen. We hear a lot of things, but surely most of it falls on our deaf ears. Probably, soon the job of listening will be restricted only to counsellors and psychiatrists.

I am a part of many group conversations, either online or face-to-face. I particularly remember being part of one of the conversations where we sat as one group. However, in my mind there were two groups in this one group: The Eager Speakers and The (Compelled) Audience. In this case I belonged to the latter category. The Eager Speakers continuously went on speaking as if our conversation was all the platform that they had. But here there was a tinge of tussle. It is said that likes repel. In this conversation, the Eager Speakers were cut short or interrupted by their like-minded friends. Therefore, it seemed that I was witnessing two parallel conversations. In this process, I discovered a third category in this conversation. I call that person ‘Master Eager Speaker’. Such Masters dive into the conversation by making their point in a loud voice. The other eager souls were left agape when their master forcefully broke in out of nowhere. By now, the (compelled) audience finds it hard to remember what was the original topic that led to this cacophony. Finally, when the Eager Speakers and Masters were finished unloading everything that they had in mind, they ask the exhausted audience, “Oh why are you so silent today? Is anything wrong?” When the already distressed listener heaves a sigh of relief that the speakers are not inconsiderate after all and rejoices at the opportunity to speak, he is again attacked by incessant blabber of Eager Speakers. The attention of the Eager Speakers could be held only if you have any fresh piece of interesting information.

Some people listen only to react. They shut their ears and mind to everything what the person opposite has to say. No matter how much good sense your words make, the adamant listener still says, “I don’t buy what you say.” In this case, we cannot call that person ‘listener’ if he or she is merely hearing you without giving any thought. Most of the times the preference to listen to someone greatly depends on our perception of the speakers. Thus, Horn or Halo attitude come into picture. Then there is another category of listeners whom I call ‘The Analysts’. These Analysts have anecdotes and comparisons for every point that you make. No matter which incident you narrate, it has already happened with them and a detailed report of comparative analysis is ready with them. Soon, the anecdotes of the analysts become the epicenter of discussion. The person who wanted to be heard is soon lost in the crowd of discussions, because every general topic soon becomes a personal topic for the Analysts.

Therefore, I find that selective listening is the best alternative to avoid falling prey to unnecessary chatter. We are ardent listeners of the people we find respectable. But what are the consequences of being listeners to bad influencers? In Mythology, we have examples of Kaikeyi and Kauravas who became grey personalities as result of unwanted listening. Even today, we have many Mantharas and Shakunis in personal and professional world who are set to disturb the peace around. It is the brainwashing that such people are good at. With such devious people, it is necessary to make good use of the two ears that we are blessed with: one to listen with and the other one to immediately eliminate something that sounds destructive. In order to distinguish between the good and the bad, it is important to have your own set of principles and opinions, so that the filtering out of information becomes easier. When the misleading speaker is aware of the fact that the listener has a feeble and indecisive personality, the speaker soon becomes dominant and the listener submissive. Eventually the influencer takes charge of the listener’s brain too. In some situations, the speaker is not an evil soul, but in fact a distressed one. Such distressed speakers are constantly finding reservoirs to let go off their burden. A conversation with such people is equally mind-crippling as their litany of worries and problems never seem to end. The distressed souls do not necessarily need a correct audience to listen to their worries. Any stranger could also be their reservoir.

A dialogue and therefore communication is successful only when there is an equilibrium between speaking and listening. Listening is also an art that has to be mastered. In our Listening Comprehension module in German, we pay detailed attention to what the speakers say. Any miscomprehension and we lose marks in the exam. Similarly, in our lives we must be good listeners so that there is no misunderstanding and the bond remains unbroken. Of course, the words can be twisted and statements like “You must have heard me wrong” are common. Still, listening is something that we need to pay more attention to. The formula for successful relationships is the give and take of encouraging words, a perfect blend of expression and listening. The day you master the art of listening with an ability to distinguish between productive and unnecessary, no matter how much pessimism surrounds you, it still does not reach the heart. After all, the ears are the gateway that transport words to your heart. It is up to you whether you want to burden your mind by listening to something that can take away that wonderful smile of yours. Rather than being eavesdroppers it is always best to be rational listeners, so that whatever you listen, is always music to your ears!