Since childhood we know this proverb,
“Speech is silver but silence is golden.” We all love to speak and want to have
audience to respond to something that we speak. When I remember this proverb
taught in school, I believe that nowadays we are rushing more for silver than
gold. We are simply ignoring the gold in our lives i.e. to sit silently and
listen, because we are busy expressing ourselves in various forms. The urge to
pour the heart out is so intense that it surpasses the need to listen. Even the
English language has provided two different words for the similar function that
is carried out by our ears: ‘to hear’ and ‘to listen’. In today’s world, where
we admire good speakers, we are slowly losing the ability, or rather the
interest to listen. We hear a lot of things, but surely most of it falls on our
deaf ears. Probably, soon the job of listening will be restricted only to
counsellors and psychiatrists.
I am a part of many group conversations,
either online or face-to-face. I particularly remember being part of one of the
conversations where we sat as one group. However, in my mind there were two
groups in this one group: The Eager Speakers and The (Compelled) Audience. In
this case I belonged to the latter category. The Eager Speakers continuously
went on speaking as if our conversation was all the platform that they had. But
here there was a tinge of tussle. It is said that likes repel. In this
conversation, the Eager Speakers were cut short or interrupted by their
like-minded friends. Therefore, it seemed that I was witnessing two parallel
conversations. In this process, I discovered a third category in this
conversation. I call that person ‘Master Eager Speaker’. Such Masters dive into
the conversation by making their point in a loud voice. The other eager souls
were left agape when their master forcefully broke in out of nowhere. By now,
the (compelled) audience finds it hard to remember what was the original topic that
led to this cacophony. Finally, when the Eager Speakers and Masters were finished
unloading everything that they had in mind, they ask the exhausted audience,
“Oh why are you so silent today? Is anything wrong?” When the already
distressed listener heaves a sigh of relief that the speakers are not
inconsiderate after all and rejoices at the opportunity to speak, he is again
attacked by incessant blabber of Eager Speakers. The attention of the Eager
Speakers could be held only if you have any fresh piece of interesting information.
Some people listen only to react. They
shut their ears and mind to everything what the person opposite has to say. No
matter how much good sense your words make, the adamant listener still says, “I
don’t buy what you say.” In this case, we cannot call that person ‘listener’ if
he or she is merely hearing you without giving any thought. Most of the times
the preference to listen to someone greatly depends on our perception of the
speakers. Thus, Horn or Halo attitude come into picture. Then there is another
category of listeners whom I call ‘The Analysts’. These Analysts have anecdotes
and comparisons for every point that you make. No matter which incident you
narrate, it has already happened with them and a detailed report of comparative
analysis is ready with them. Soon, the anecdotes of the analysts become the
epicenter of discussion. The person who wanted to be heard is soon lost in the
crowd of discussions, because every general topic soon becomes a personal topic
for the Analysts.
Therefore, I find that selective
listening is the best alternative to avoid falling prey to unnecessary chatter.
We are ardent listeners of the people we find respectable. But what are the
consequences of being listeners to bad influencers? In Mythology, we have
examples of Kaikeyi and Kauravas who became grey personalities as result of
unwanted listening. Even today, we have many Mantharas and Shakunis in personal
and professional world who are set to disturb the peace around. It is the
brainwashing that such people are good at. With such devious people, it is
necessary to make good use of the two ears that we are blessed with: one to
listen with and the other one to immediately eliminate something that sounds
destructive. In order to distinguish between the good and the bad, it is
important to have your own set of principles and opinions, so that the
filtering out of information becomes easier. When the misleading speaker is
aware of the fact that the listener has a feeble and indecisive personality,
the speaker soon becomes dominant and the listener submissive. Eventually the
influencer takes charge of the listener’s brain too. In some situations, the
speaker is not an evil soul, but in fact a distressed one. Such distressed
speakers are constantly finding reservoirs to let go off their burden. A
conversation with such people is equally mind-crippling as their litany of
worries and problems never seem to end. The distressed souls do not necessarily
need a correct audience to listen to their worries. Any stranger could also be
their reservoir.
A dialogue and therefore
communication is successful only when there is an equilibrium between speaking
and listening. Listening is also an art that has to be mastered. In our
Listening Comprehension module in German, we pay detailed attention to what the
speakers say. Any miscomprehension and we lose marks in the exam. Similarly, in
our lives we must be good listeners so that there is no misunderstanding and
the bond remains unbroken. Of course, the words can be twisted and statements
like “You must have heard me wrong” are common. Still, listening is something
that we need to pay more attention to. The formula for successful relationships
is the give and take of encouraging words, a perfect blend of expression and
listening. The day you master the art of listening with an ability to
distinguish between productive and unnecessary, no matter how much pessimism
surrounds you, it still does not reach the heart. After all, the ears are the
gateway that transport words to your heart. It is up to you whether you want to
burden your mind by listening to something that can take away that wonderful
smile of yours. Rather than being eavesdroppers it is always best to be
rational listeners, so that whatever you listen, is always music to your ears!
