There are some TV shows which are so much discussed about
that it piques your curiosity and you actually end up watching it, justifying
herd behaviour among humans. A few days back I watched one such hyped show, ‘13
Reasons Why’. It was a show about a teenager who commits suicide because she is
a victim of bullying in her high school. She is in dire need of friends and
wants to have a feeling of belongingness. She is emotionally wrecked by her
classmates who she approaches with an expectation of building friendship. The
13 episodes show the 13 reasons why she takes her own life and the people
compelling her to do it. I felt some of
the reasons were highly ludicrous, yet it made me think about the
superficiality and changed forms of relationships these days.
Human beings are social animals and therefore we often find
people in groups. The primitive man, too needed people along with him to chase
and bring down a big game in forest. As man progressed, the need to be a part
of a group grew. Man felt the need to be among the people who gave him warmth,
with someone he could share his joys and sadness. It is an influx of countless
emotions. These emotions led to creation of a society. As individuals, we are
minions in this gargantuan organization called society. Relationships are
something which bind the society together. We have developed a lot over the
years and so have our relationships with people around us. Our relationships
got bifurcated into personal and professional relationships. Professional
relationships are highly masqueraded ones. No matter how much of difference of
opinions you have with someone, it always has to be suppressed with a smile. We
often hide our true selves only because we want to be accepted. Building relationships
and nurturing them helps to build long lasting businesses. Genuineness in
relationships does not really matter in professional world, as long as you work
or get the work done. As someone who has lately started to understand the
mechanism of professional relationships, I realized that very few would really
be concerned and help you out in times of need. Others are just passive
onlookers who would be good at pretending and sighing at your maladies. I think
sometimes that in an attempt to appear ‘strictly professional’ we often forget
basic human values. Talking about relationships in business world, where
customer is God, a lot of emphasis is laid on keeping the customers happy, or
so is propagated. Recently when my mobile talktime had got unrightfully
deducted from my account, my cellphone service providers credited the lost
amount to my account, as a ‘one-time goodwill activity’. That means the
goodwill was limited to only this one instance and I shouldn’t expect any
further ‘act of kindness’ from them again, when I face similar unjust situation
in future. Even if I change my service provider in future, it will hardly
matter to the company. It would be like losing just one drop from huge ocean of
customers.
Personal Relationships too have changed and modernized. We
are emotionally attached to our families and friends, or so since I last heard
it. Sadly ‘give and take’ is the foundation of many friendships today. We feel
obligated to return the favour done to us by our friends, otherwise we fear
that our perception in the minds of our friends might change. This is hardly a
surprising phenomenon in the materialistic world. Nowadays the standard of
living has improved. People are attracted to those friends who would throw huge
parties or spend heavily on them, but would neglect those who would be silent
well-wishers. ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’ seems like a passé in this
fast developing world, where people face huge paucity of time. As if to
overcome this guilt for not being there for friends, verbal expressions of
concern and emoticons do the soothing or providing of mental support. A lot has
to be expressed these days rather than implying. However, the world still
possesses innumerable selfless beings for whom trust, honesty, respect and love
are the foundation of long lasting friendships.
Even the idea of family has changed. For Indians, a family
would mean parents, grandparents, children and a huge chain of extended family.
We consider blood relationships to be supreme and ultimate. We are sensitive
towards our families and they form epicenter of every decision that we make. In
western countries, the face of family itself has changed, thanks to technology
and more preference towards better professional life. I believe that learning a
language does not only mean learning new words or expressions. It also means
understanding the culture and society of the country. A few weeks back we were
discussing the nature of relationships in German society. I learnt this
interesting and never-heard-before concept of ‘Mehrgenerationenhaus’ where people of different generations who
are not related by blood stay together cordially in a house or a building. The
main purposes of such a living are to have meaningful conversations, an
exchange of ideas with each other and develop relationships. The young help the
old by doing their chores or by teaching them aspects of modern technology.
There are various activities and courses for people of different generations,
thus building a synergy and optimistic attitude among people. No one feels
lonely in such a structure. There are ‘Leihomas’ and ‘Leihopas’ literally
meaning ‘borrowed grandmas and grandpas’ where the retired old people
volunteer to look after the children of working parents. The parents are more than delighted to leave their
children with these ‘grandparents’ as they are assured that their children will
learn good values from them. Nowadays where even the blood relationships are
not so deep, this serves as an example as to how humanity, trust and respect are
the basis to begin any relationship.
Live-ins, co-parenting, single parenthood, long distance relationships
are prevalent in German society. There are couples who meet only on weekends
i.e. who belong to ‘Wochenendbeziehung’ and
plan to spend quality time together. I read one interesting article about this
concept. It said that such relationships give enough freedom to partners to
have their own space and not intrude into each other’s privacy which might
happen while living together. This avoids arguments and the love is believed to
remain intact, where the couples can discuss their problems and worries when
they meet and emotionally support each other. In France, under the legal
contract of ‘Pacte civil de solidarité’ unmarried couples live together. These contracts
can be easily revoked. This contract is signed in presence of a notary, without
any ceremony. The partners get visiting rights if either of them is hospitalized.
They are also entitled for pensions, if either of the partners dies. And then
we thought that marriage is the final step or a ‘license’ to stay together!
Laws can be innovative too, something which encourages us to change the way we
think.
In co-parenting, two or three individuals, who are not in
love with each other, who do not know each other very well, can be united with
the common purpose of raising a child together. This is common among the LGBT
community who fulfil their wish to have a child; of course love is a factor
that is very much present. On the contrary there are instances of persons who
have failed relationships in the past, but would like to have children without
getting married or without getting into serious relationships. A lot of
heterosexuals, too welcome such a model of relationship to raise a child in a
loveless relationship. As Indians, we would be brutally and culturally shocked
to think of such new forms of relationships. Most of us would term such kind of
societies as ‘westernized’ or ‘without values or morals’. We cannot be blamed
for such thinking as we have grown in a patriarchal society. We would still
stand firm on our conventional model of family. Sometimes I think we should
thank our traditions and values for our closely knit families, which teach us
tolerance, sharing, empathy and understanding.
Relationships are like plants which have to be nurtured with
love and care. Any form of hatred, anger or misunderstanding can wither them
away. In any relationship, the spark is alive as long as there is love and
warmth. The faces of relationships have changed; people have explored new ways
and means to strike harmony with fellow human beings. Some relationships
provide temporary respite, while others last for a lifetime. When the river of
life is slowly ebbing away, we won’t think of those relationships in which we
have been superficially present, but those who have gifted us precious memories
and lots of smiles- our genuine relationships, be it our family, friends,
neighbours or any stranger who has contributed to make our life better.
