Learning ABC - Attitude & Behavioural Change

In one of my graduation years, as we were soon going to be employable, the college decided to groom us in the area of Soft Skills. Some of my classmates saw it as an ennui-inviting programme, as it was held immediately after our semester end, cutting down a few days of our anticipated vacations. The training given to us during those few days regarding various aspects of corporate behaviour and etiquettes proved to be a valuable one. I can’t thank my college enough for that! During that training period, I noticed that some of my classmates hesitated to participate and communicate. They had to be compelled to speak. They were like scared lambs. Most of these introvert classmates usually did very well in the exams. But they had an aversion to any kind of participation. As a result, the training seemed to be futile for them.

I tried to surmise the reasons of their diffidence. The primary reason was that most of them were from vernacular schools, because of which they were not quite comfortable with English. Some of them could be gauche or may be having stage fear, which most of us experience. Or the fear of humiliation could be the biggest one. Though it is said that man should learn from his mistakes, these few classmates of mine feared to commit mistakes in the first place. I am very sure though, that if these people were given opportunities to speak in their mother tongue, they would be excellent and confident orators. What really matters is our outlook to absorb and show the willingness to learn something new, no matter if one fails initially. Attitude matters.

There are some people who I know whose attitude towards life and learning is sanguine, while others are maudlin and pessimistic. To elucidate, one of my friends used to view English as her Achilles heel and therefore did not have the courage to communicate in English. But at the same time, she was determined and ready to work upon her weaknesses. She used to and still accosts me to learn new words and makes a note of them along with their pronunciations. Her habit of reading English novels provided her the ministrations to be at ease with the language. By shedding all inhibitions, she is showing an optimistic attitude towards learning.

To give an illustration from the corporate world, take the example of stress interviews, where different reactions are noted for a given pressing situation or circumstance. In life too, there are difficult times where our approach is tested. Lately I tried to analyze two persons, let’s call them A and B for convenience sake. A is a person has had a near-death experience. Although others were skeptical about A’s recovery, A showed immense willpower to combat the sickness, which is why his recovery was faster. On the other hand, B is highly valetudinarian with minor health issues and therefore cannot enjoy life wholeheartedly. What B lacks is a positive approach and what exists in ample is negativity. Our way of thinking shapes our personality. There are many people, who inspite of being blessed with all kinds of comforts and felicity, are not happy in life. What more do they expect from life, remains a big question. Such people are never satisfied and are constantly found bemoaning, ultimately affecting their mental health. There are others, who fight all odds and succeed in their lives. It is all about how you perceive situations in your life. A SWOT Analysis of Life needs to be done to ensure long lasting happiness. From my personal experience, practising Yoga and Meditation conduce to channelize a person’s idiosyncrasy on a correct path.

Another aspect which we should consider is our behaviour towards people. Remember, “As you sow, so shall you reap”. It does not cost anything to be polite to people or to exude a smile or kindly gestures. Sadly, some people do not understand this. Human behaviour differs depending upon the atmosphere the person grows up in and also the economic and social conditions. For example, most of the times, while travelling by a bus, I notice that the conductors yell at the passengers for not giving an exact change or any other issue and the heated argument that follows, seems endless. In each case, the parties to be blamed are different. I am sure each one of us has faced episodes of cantankerous travelers in train compartments. Or, I have seen certain people who get a wicked pleasure to cause trouble to the helpless and put them in predicaments. Sometimes in small shops, the shopkeepers behave curtly with the customers, as if they are doing the customers a favour. In one of the banks, I read this beautiful quote by Mahatma Gandhi “A customer is the most important visitor on our premises…..We are not doing consumer a favour by serving him. He is doing us a favour by giving us an opportunity to do so.” Perhaps these rude shopkeepers have forgotten that. The reason why service industry flourishes these days is because good savoir faire is maintained towards customers. Of course all this forms part of the price which we pay for the services, but a person like me derives satisfaction not only from the service or product offered, but also from the hospitality. I wish if all people were this polite, courteous and sensitive towards others in daily lives.

Attitude and behavior of a person go hand in hand. It is the attitude which builds a person’s personality which reflects in his or her behavior. From the number of people I interacted with, I came to a conclusion that complacent persons find no reason to hurt others, while some who have a never- satisfying avarice spoil their own lives and also try to create obstacles for sincere people around them. To quote in mathematical parlance, attitude is directly proportional to behavior. There are difficult times, where our approach is tested, similar to a stress interview. From some of my past experiences, I have learnt that maintaining composure in such times and trying to overcome the problem, without getting dejected is the best solution. We should not let these situations steal from us the zest for life. Living life buoyantly, accepting the challenges in our ways with intrepidity, caring and valuing people’s feelings, I believe, builds up a charismatic and audacious personality. 

Mother’s Love: Lessons from the Wild

Newspapers are the carriers of information about the world. They are the means to be in touch with the happenings all around the globe. Not only do they merely report the incidents but also are harbingers of good times. But some news bring forward such atrocities that it makes us think about the diabolical paths we human beings can take. Whenever I read cases of female foeticide and rapes or the heinous ways people resort to, to kill these innocent young lives, I feel depressed and shaken to the core. All these cruelties explain the low sex ratio in India, especially in the states of Haryana, the Punjab, Uttar Pradesh and many remote areas of India. The seemingly developed cities with more number of ‘educated’ people are also no exception when it comes to rapes, molestation and female foeticides. Even after 66 years of independence such is the sorry state of women, who are killed in the wombs itself or are subjected to oppression by men, which takes us back to the macabre old times. While reading cases of female infanticide/ foeticide I always think about those unfortunate mothers who are compelled to kill the female lives growing within them. Newspapers only mention the hospitals, doctors and the devil-like fathers or families who are guilty of this inhuman deed. I pity the women who have to undergo these tragedies. The excruciating agony which they must be going through is beyond imagination. It is an ordeal no woman should ever suffer. It is said that the womb is a haven for a baby before it is born. But sadly, today the wombs carrying baby girls are highly endangered. Really, how worse can mankind get, if it kills its own daughters?

As a child, I read childhood stories of Lord Krishna and I loved the story of his birth in particular. When the evil Kansa was about to kill Devaki’s eighth child thinking it to be Krishna, the baby was a girl child and paying no heed to Devaki’s pleas planned to kill her too. But when he was about to kill the baby, she slipped from his hands and flew out of the tiny window. She was, in fact, Durga, who warned Kansa of his forthcoming destruction. I think all those people who want to kill their female children are just like the wicked Kansa. I pray for a miracle in today’s age when the female fetuses would transform into Durga and punish their murderers ruthlessly.

Being an ardent admirer of the Big Cats, I always look forward to watch their programmes. They are beautiful but ferocious creatures and their behaviours and intelligent hunting tactics amaze me every time. When they mercilessly kill deer, zebras, wildebeests and giraffes I find them nefarious. But then I have to remind myself of the harsh rule of nature. It is mostly the females who hunt and when they bring the carcass, it is the cubs who have the first bite of flesh.Tears dwell up in my eyes when I see the mothers of these timid herbivores standing helplessly to see their young ones killed by the Big Cats. Every animal, no matter if it is at the apex or at the nadir of the food chain, tries its best to protect its young ones from the predators.

I especially remember watching this lamentable but brave act of Motherhood in the unforgiving conditions of Africa. An African Buffalo had newly given birth to a calf. Buffaloes always stay in a herd. Wandering alone can be fatal, as they can be easy targets of lions, cheetahs or leopards. So when the weather gets hot, they move in a herd in search of water. The few hours old buffalo calf was trying to stand and walk. The herd was going to move soon from that lion dominated territory in quest of water. Mother buffalo was in a dilemma- the calf was taking a long time to stand on its feet and the time to leave the territory was soon approaching. It was necessary to follow the herd, lest she or her calf would be an easy prey. Finally she had to take a difficult decision. She decided to desert her calf and go ahead with the herd, leaving the calf to its fate. As she went a few steps ahead, she had a change of heart. She went back to the calf, who was standing with a hope that its mother would return. Even the herd waited for the buffalo to return with her calf. I was touched by the herd’s sympathetic behavior and happy about the mother-calf reunion. But God had other plans. He didn’t let their happiness last for long. The calf was being ambushed by the blood thirsty lionesses. When the mother buffalo sensed that her calf was in danger, she fought valiantly with the lionesses to keep them away from her child. Unfortunately, the victors in this war were the lionesses and were successful in killing the mother buffalo. The calf had to see its mother being lacerated and eaten by lions. The desolate expressions of the calf which were captured by the camera brought tears to my eyes. The narrator’s line, “The calf is an orphan again” left me completely shattered. I loathed lions at that moment.

This incident taught me once again what all mothers can do to protect their children. Similar incidents like a lioness keeping her cubs in the tall grasses to protect them from an intruder lion, leopardess looking after a baby monkey when she realizes that she inadvertently killed its mother, mother cheetah bringing prey for her cubs despite torrential rains, a tigress patiently carrying each of her cubs safely to a nearby cave etc., teach me how valuable a mother is. We so-called most intelligent animals, ‘HUMAN BEINGS’ in fact can act so inhumanly when it comes to daughters. There is so much to learn from these mute yet wise and sensible creatures.

When I read cases of women committing suicide because they are unhappy, frustrated and tired of their professional lives and also are mothers of 3 or 4 year olds, I visualize their children to be just like that poor calf. The only difference is that of selflessness of animals and selfishness of humans. Don’t these women think about their children at all, before taking such a drastic step? Do their professional or personal problems outweigh their children’s future? Such extremist women should think of all those orphans who could never feel a mother’s warmth and love.

Sometimes I get angry with my mother over trivial reasons or when there is difference of opinion. Later when I calm myself down, I think of everything my mother has done for me and is still doing, the sacrifices she has made and continues to make for the sake of my well-being and happiness. I just do not love her for she fulfills my every wish, but also for the moral support she gives me when I feel dejected. Her calm demeanour and pleasant smile have a soothing effect on my problems and worries. She is the reason for my being, laughter and happiness. She is my best friend who can understand me very well. Words are insufficient to express gratitude to my mother.

Mothers are incarnations of God who love us no matter how many times we err but still forgive and accept us inspite of our shortcomings. Her love knows no boundary. As children we should, at all times of our lives remember the pains taken by our mothers to bring us into this world and moulding us to be the persons we are today.