When I log into my Facebook
account these days, it is always flooded with wedding pictures. Either the
bride or the groom posts them or the friends who attend the wedding do the
honours, with hefty captions and best wishes. Pictures in various poses,
elegant attires and gleaming decorations make every wedding look like a big fat
Indian wedding. There is a pictorial coverage of all the special moments that
lead to marriage: Be it engagement, parties, pre-wedding and candid pictures.
Although sometimes orchestrated and clichéd, they look appealing to the eyes. It
is a one-time celebration (hopefully!) which a person desires in his or her
life; to welcome the new addition, the new phase of life with great pomp. When
I look at the smiling pictures of the couples, I wonder how their journey
together actually begins with love and then materializes into marriage. It is
this leap from Love to Marriage which amazes me.
I have listened to a number of
real life romantic stories. As a writer and reader, they exactly seem like the
ones I read in novels or like ideas that I can include in my
romantic stories. And the couples are perfect raconteurs when they describe how
they first met or their funny and quarrelsome moments. They are so immersed in
love that they talk at great lengths about each other as if their partner is a
subject of their specialization! Having ‘someone special’ in life is indeed
like having a passion you never get bored about. You learn all the depths of
that person, the grey sides and still take the (risk?) to accept the person way
he or she is. I think it is like having a job you are passionate about, which
you enjoy no matter how many challenges come in the way. Sometimes it is also
about sacrifices.
What I just mentioned above is
also true when we choose our friends. There is compatibility among friends as
well. That is why precisely we are friends with someone. I have read somewhere
that your partner should be your best friend, a confidant. How does it happen
that you choose one particular person to be your ‘One’? It is similar to being
fond of a number of things but there is one special thing that captures your
heart the most. It is this one person you choose to spend the rest of the life
with. Whether the decision of marriage is rushed into out of love or infatuation
differs. The emotions differ. Some
couples give each other enough time; spend enough time together to understand
each other before exchanging the vows. I believe that is the best way to think
over if someone is really worth your time and affection in future. Love is not
completely blind these days; financial stability, thought processes and family
background as well are taken into consideration. People should look at the
practical aspect of love, rather than getting bogged down by emotions. Marriage
is like a long time investment around which your future plans about job, money,
family and mental stability revolve.
Recently I had been to a Marathi
play which focused around a couple who frequently has difference of opinions
and therefore arguments, although theirs is a love marriage. I do not imply
that a marriage without arguments is necessarily a happy one. Life transforms
greatly after marriage. There was a thought-provoking dialogue in the play:
“When we used to date, we always looked forward to see each other. We used to
meet, talk and then return to our homes, longing for the next day to meet. It
is only after marriage that we started staying together and the problems in our
life arose.” You cannot really understand a person unless you live with him or
her. It is similar to spending some time in a foreign country to understand its
language, culture, manners and etiquettes. When you meet someone for a couple
of hours he or she shows or puts on the best of behaviours. After marriage when two people live under the
same roof, they are aghast to find out each other’s some of unpleasant or
unacceptable habits and traits. Then arguments and pointing at each other’s
mistakes begin. But having said that, it is also true that no one is perfect
and when in love, you tend to accept the person with his or her imperfections.
I had watched a film called ‘Beauty & the Briefcase’ wherein Hilary Duff
sets out to find her ‘magic man’ with a lengthy list of attributes. In the end,
she finds her magic man in a person who does not have any of the attributes
listed by her. He is in fact her real love, albeit with imperfections.
Instead of hastily rushing into
marriage, it is very much necessary that two people understand each other
thoroughly. In India, live-ins are frowned upon and a legal marriage with all
the rituals and blessings is ultimately the approval to stay together. Again, if the differences grow eventually
leading into a divorce, the society is eager to label someone as ‘divorced’
like a lifelong blemish. And if a woman is divorced, the society is all set to
form all kinds of opinions about her. When I read or learn about western
cultures, I find a huge gap in the perception about love and marriage. Of course,
relationships having deepest of deep love also end up in divorce. A divorce or a separation need not happen
bitterly. It could just be a way of giving some space to someone and letting
someone to live life on his or her own terms. The couple continues to see each
other as friends and still may share their intimate feelings. The necessity or absence
of marriage has no impact on their relationship.
When people celebrate bachelor or
spinster parties, we often hear the people around say, “Enjoy the last day of
your independence”. Why is it so that marriage is often viewed as shackles and
a full stop to freedom? When we accept someone along with imperfections, it is
not difficult to let the person be the way he or she is. Marriage should not be
a hurdle while pursuing the dreams and goals that you have carried all along. Marriage
brings shared responsibilities and it is through this sharing that one supports
the other. We surely make sacrifices for each other, but then it should not be
only one person who is always taking a step down. Marriage unites two people to be one. But in
this tryst of oneness, you should not forget the unique individual that you
are. Reaching a consensus with your partner is good, but standing firmly by your
principles, ideas and beliefs is equally important.
Marriage is not only about going
together everywhere as a couple, but it is also taking some time off from each
other to go out on exciting outings with friends or working on something really
interesting. If your partner is supportive enough, surely it is understood how
important ‘me-time’ is. Therefore, I truly agree with the belief that marriage
is a life-changing decision, where your partner plays a role in making your
life better than it is or so you hope! Love conquers all they say. When you say
‘I do’ at your wedding or go through all the wedding rituals, it is an eternal
promise that you make to someone to stand by all the highs and lows of your
relationship. It is a promise to be together as one team. ‘Love’ and ‘Marriage’
may not always be synonymous at beginning, but they are binding factors to be
with your ‘Perfect One’ and call yourselves the ‘Lucky One’!
